Thursday, May 26, 2011

You Can Call Me Madame Fanny, Fortuneteller Extraordinaire

So, apparently, I was misinformed and the rapture was not rescheduled for yesterday, it was rescheduled for October 21st.

Do you know what day October 21st is?

Don't bother looking it up; I'll save you the trouble.


So, as you can see, I correctly predicted the end of the world in my last post.

So, yeah.  I'm kind of a big deal now.

You know what else I'm predicting?  Come closer, young one, and I will reveal the secrets of your future.  Give me your palm.  Oh, I see many things in store for you, including-oh, what's this?  Your Internet line is telling me that there will be a new post in your future!  How extraordinary!

Monday, May 23, 2011

If at First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try Again


It's on Wednesday now.

Seriously, Wednesday?  Not only is it a pain to write, but it's in the middle of the freaking week.  PLUS, I have a chemistry test on that day that I would probably still have to take.

The rapture is seriously inconvenient.

However, if the rapture doesn't come on Wednesday, I'm predicting that it's going to end on Friday.  It makes sense, doesn't it?  End of the week...Rebecca Black...

Look!  It even fits:

It's Friday, Friday, gotta end the world on Friday
Everybody's looking forward to the rapture, rapture
Friday, Friday, burn in Hell on Friday
Everybody's looking forward to the rapture

Fire and brimstone, yeah!
Fire and brimstone, yeah!
Burn, burn, burn, burn
Looking forward to the rapture

Yesterday was Thursday
Today it is friday
Re-repent you evil sinners
You evil sinners
Or burn in Hell for all eternity

Tomorrow won't be Saturday
Sunday won't come afterwards
'Cause this world is gonna end!

Okay, I got kind of lazy toward the end there, but that's because I'm tired and I didn't want to completely lose my grip on sanity.  Also I did not do the whole song because I am feeling lazy and tired and I don't want to completely lose my grip on sanity. 


Saturday, May 21, 2011

Well, Would You Look at That

No rapture!  Who'da thunk?

Well, anyway, 'night, all.

Hide Yo' Kids, Hide Yo' Wives AND Hide Yo' Husbands, 'Cause They Rapturin' Errbody out Here

It's the end of the world today.

Or, at least, that's what the billboard told me.

It's all just a matter of time now.  As I prepare for the last 30 minutes of my life on Earth, I am tempted to wax nostalgic about my past, and to mourn for the things that will never be.

Let's get started!

Things I've Never Done:

1.  Gone to Europe
2.  Had a sword fight in the morning mist of a bamboo forest
3.  Eaten dragonfruit
4.  Rode a polar bear across the Serengeti
5.  Gone skydiving
6.  Told my cat that I love it
7.  Gone on The Price is Right
8.  Gotten married
9.  Come to think of it, I've never been on a date.
10.  Shoot.
11.  Held a lion
12.  Danced the tango
13.  Danced the tango with a tiger
14.  Spent copious amounts of money on a shopping spree.
15.  Rode a pony into space
16.  Hiked along a mountain chain
17.  Climbed Mount Everest
18.  Eaten sushi
19.  Learned 5 languages
20.  Killed a wild boar with my bear hands
21.  Killed a bear to get his hands
22.  Slapped someone in the face
23.  Gone to Candy Mountain

Okay, none of those are really big deals, except for maybe #20-22.  I can live without having done those things.

And now...

Things I Have Done:

1.  Memorized a ridiculous amount of song lyrics
2.  Took Japanese because I could
3.  Tried to turn my German Shepard into a sled dog
4.  Shoved beads up my nose
5.  Read Winnie the Pooh
6.  Read Harry Potter numerous times
7.  Watched and read The Princess Bride
8.  Rode a horse until my legs hurt
9.  Learned guitar
10.  Sang in front of a couple thousand people
11.  Tried to dance an Irish jig
12.  Learned to play the trombone
13.  Told my dog that I love him
14.  Read over 200 books
15.  Watched the Phantom of the Opera
16.  Started a blog
17.  Faked sick
18.  Learned French
19.  Got a new cell phone
20.  Got a Facebook
21.  Went to Washington D.C.
22.  Smuggled a Swiss Army Knife into the Smithsonian
23.  Danced like a crazy person in public.

I can live with that.

Plus I took a shower AND shaved my legs, so when Satan himself shows up at my door at 6:00 sharp to drag me to Hell for not believing the Lord's prophet, That Dude Who Predicted That The World Would End On May 21st, at least I'll look good.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

FBC Part III-Movies!

From the Phantom of the Opera:  Raoul *swoon*
GAH!  He loves her so much and she's just like "ooh, I'm gonna go hang out with Phantom now, Raoul   See you later, even though he's a horrible murderer and you are a totally hot upstanding citizen who doesn't have a replica statue of me wearing a wedding dress by your bedroom.  Yeah, you're totally a catch, but I'm gonna go hang with the homicidal creep."
This is why Raoul deserves way better than Christine.  Raoul, I would be happy to take Christine's place.  She is a total b**** and you deserve better.
From Tangled:  Eugene
Disney is the source of many a fictional boy crush for me.  

From the Lion King 2:  Kovu
Kovu The Lion King 1
He's broken, but I can fix him!
Also, it's totally normal that I have a crush on Kovu.  Really, I just have a crush on his personality and not on the fact that he is a lion.  Most of the girls who have seen this movie will understand what I'm talking about.
From Harry Potter:  Oliver Wood
I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking "but, Fanny, you said that you wouldn't include characters from books in the movie section if they had a movie adaptation."  Well, you're right, but this is a different situation.  I don't really have a crush on Oliver Wood in the books, but in the movies... *swoon*
Nobody wears a turtleneck like Oliver Wood.

From the Lord of the Rings:  Sam

Okay now we're back to the thing about book characters not being in the movie section, but I can explain.  You see, much to my shame, I have not yet read the Lord of the Rings.  I have seen all of the movies, but I have not read the books.  I know, I know, my conduct is appalling.  However, I do intend to read the books as soon as possible.  I just really love Sam because Frodo's constantly being a giant wuss and Sam is just a boss all the time.
From Tarzan:  Tarzan
Yeah, there are more Disney Crushes coming.  Also this crush has little to nothing to do with the fact that Tarzan is freaking ripped and wears very little clothing.  Most likely.  Probably.  Maybe.
Oh, dear.

From Beauty and the Beast:  The Beast
Disney again.  I probably have more Disney crushes, but I can't remember them all, so all just stick with the ones that I've already listed.

From The Chronicles of Narnia: Caspian
Sister A thinks that Caspian is hers, but she is sadly mistaken.  I called dibs at least two months ago.
From the Nightmare Before Christmas:  Jack Skellington
I love his enthusiasm.  Jack Skellington is a wonderful character.

From Indiana Jones:  Indiana Jones
The look on his face just screams "b****, please."  There I go, censoring my own blog again.  Oh well.

Okay, really, I think that's about enough.  You get the picture, don't you.  If not, here's a summary:  I have issues.  I should probably be institutionalized.  However, in order for me to be institutionalized, they would have to catch me first.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

"Fictional-Boy Crush-itis" Part II-TV Shows!

Okay, can you all do me a favor?  Before you continue to read this little series that I have going on, could you all just suspend reality for a little bit and pretend that it's totally normal to have imaginary relationships with fictional characters?  Thanks, I knew you would all understand.

Now, to the TV shows!

I had this whole post all worked out and finished before, but then I changed something, and then I didn't like the change, so I hit the "undo" button, but then I hit it too many times and then it deleted the whole thing and then I died a little inside.

Anyway, to the TV shows.

First up, from Avatar: The Last Airbender: Zuko. (What was that?  Did someone say something about an alleged movie adaptation of this awesome show?  I don't recall there ever being such a movie, but if you bring it up again, I will have to hit you and then yell at you, telling you exactly why that movie has nothing to do with this show and its awesomeness.)

Curse you, Blogger.  It took me forever to find this picture again.  He just looks so darned cute in it.    Here's what I originally had written as a caption on this picture before Blogger destroyed my hopes and dreams:
What a cutie.  My fictional relationship with Zuko is a unique one because, in it, I break one of my rules.  You see, Zuko is my husband, but he already has a girlfriend on the show.  However, I justify this by saying that Zuko and Mai make a stupid couple and that Zuko should be with me.  Mai can come after me if she wants, I really don't care.

Next, from Criminal Minds: Reid.

Gasp! The nerdy girl watches crime dramas?  AND she crushes on the hot nerds in said crime dramas?  Yes, yes she does.
From Bones:  Sweets.

What's this?  Another crime drama with another cute nerd?  I'm noticing a pattern here...
From Doctor Who:  the Doctor.

Confession #1:  I haven't been watching Doctor Who for very long, but I do have a decently-sized obsession with it.  Confession #2:  I really only have a crush on David Tennant as the Doctor.  Does that make me fickle?  I don't really care.
Also, David Tennant is the reason I can't take movie version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire seriously.

All right.  I'll believe that they can cast magic spells and fly on broomsticks, but David Tennant as a bad guy?  That is where you lose me.
Okay, I lied.  I just love the Doctor in general, regardless of whether or not he is played by David Tennant.

Okay, I probably wouldn't date all of them, but I would definitely hang out with all of them, because the Doctor rocks.

Well, bother.  Now I can't remember all of the people who were on this post.  Blogger, why do you have to sabotage me?  What did I ever do to you?

Well, since I can't think of anyone else right now, from Phineas and Ferb:  Ferb.

I was going to cut Phineas out of this picture, but then I got too lazy because Blogger has already made me do this post twice and I'm sick of working.

Also, for the record, I am not some sort of pedophile.  I would only date Ferb if he was older than me, otherwise, I would just hang out with him because he is a boss.

Well, since I've included pretty much all of the people I can remember, I suppose that's it for this post.  The last installment in this series is coming soon, don't worry.

P.S.--I remembered another one.

From Merlin:  Merlin

I don't really know how I feel about Merlin.  On the one hand, he has a nice accent, a cute smile, a good sense of humor, and gorgeous eyes.  On the other hand, he sort of reminds me of one of my friends, which is just making this whole thing awkward.

You know that lovely young man who plays Merlin?  There's a picture of him right up there.  You see him?  His name is Colin Morgan.  Well, I was just watching Doctor Who, when who do I see?  Why, none other than Colin Morgan himself.

I almost died.

Seriously, Merlin and the Doctor?  In one place?  It was almost too much for my little heart to handle.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I Have a Disease. It's Called "Fictional-Boy Crush-itis." (Part I-Books!)

It's fatal...but only to my social life.

It's just that, whenever I read a book, watch a movie, or watch a new TV show, I manage to land myself yet another crush on yet another fictional boy.  At this point, I have amassed so many fictional boyfriends, crushes, and husbands that I'm having trouble keeping track of them all.

So I think I'll just put them all down right here, so I don't forget.

Let's start with book characters.  (Some of these books have film adaptations, but books are better than movies, so those characters will be listed here and not in the "movies" category.)

First up, my crush from Harry Potter:  Neville Longbottom.

If you've read all of the books, you understand my crushing on Neville.  Neville is one of my fictional husbands.  He is mine, so the rest of y'all can just back OFF.

 From Maximum Ride:  Iggy.

Iggy is also my husband, so, again, y'all can just calm yourselves down and step off.  There's a girl in the band who thinks that Iggy is hers, but she is sadly mistaken. 

Does the fact that I have multiple fictional husbands make me a fictional polygamist?

I think not.


From The Hunger Games:  Peeta.

Peeta's the one in the middle.  Yeah, that's right.  I'm team Peeta.  Deal with it. 
Peeta is only a fictional crush of mine, because he belongs to another woman, and you just do not mess with another woman's man.  You just don't.

Okay, this is getting bad.  I can't remember all of the crushes I've had on characters in books that I've read.

Also from Harry Potter:  Fred Weasley!

Okay, I know that this is a picture of Fred and George, but that's okay because I also have a slightly smaller crush on George.  I would marry either of them.  However, the Weasley twins can be only my fictional crushes because, in the Harry Potter world, I am betrothed to Neville.  These rules all make sense in my head.

From The Princess Bride:  Inigo Montoya.  And Westley.  It's a little complicated up in this book.

Sword fighting.  Rawr.

I also have a small crush on Sherlock Holmes.

Is it weird that I have a crush on Sherlock Holmes?  I don't think so.  (Also, mad props to the lovely lady who drew this.  I don't know her personally; I just stole this off of DeviantArt.  Her username is vidaloca185, if anyone wants to creep on her awesomeness.

I swear that I've read more books than this.  I just can't remember all of my fictional boyfriends/husbands/crushes.  This is a real predicament.

Okay, I think that that's enough for books.

Jeepers, this is really long.  I'm going to have to split this up into multiple posts.

My first series!  Oh, joy! 

Friday, May 13, 2011

Blogger is Back and So am I

Hi, everybody.

Blogger has been down for approximately the past 24 hours, and so I have not been able to give you new posts when I totally would have, so I'm not being irresponsible or neglectful, blogger has just been keeping me down, man.

That last sentence makes me think of this song:

And that song made me think of my final exam in Japanese, which I took last night.  Finally, it is finished, and I can do whatever the frick I want whenever the frick I want to.  Like, if it's 9:00 on a Thursday night and I want to watch a Disney movie, then, by gummit, I'm going to watch that Disney movie because, hey, I don't have anything that needs to be turned in by 10.

I am so effing free right now, it's not even funny.

Well, it's been a while since I gave you guys a decently long post, so I'm just going to talk about some other things that I've been doing lately.  I think that the cat is in heat again, and its behavior is getting in the way of my blogging.  (Seriously, it was trying to molest the freaking keyboard, not two minutes ago.  What a perv.)

Hmm...what else is going on in my life?

Not much, actually.

Not that you would all care, anyway.

I guess, mostly what has been going on in my life as of late has been me procrastinating on studying, so that has consisted of a lot of YouTube, Sporcle, and Facebook.

Here are some new people I discovered on YouTube this week:

First, Alex.  I don't know his last name.  I heard it once, but then I forgot it.  Also, I forgot his YouTube username thing.  Really, all you need to know is that he's British and he's bashing Twilight.  That should be enough for you.

Next, charlieissocoollike.  Did anyone here already know about him, because I sure didn't, but that might just be because I'm a stupid American who spends all her time reading and doing homework and blogging and writing ridiculous run-on sentences like this one.  Anyway, he's hilarious, and you should watch his videos.

I happen to think that he is kind of cute.  Don't judge me.

Okay, I think that that is all that I have been doing for the past week, with the exception of working on three more posts that are to be posted some time in the near future.

Yup.  That's it.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I Should be Studying, But am I? No. I am Here, Stalling.

I really should be studying for my final exam in Japanese, which happens to be this Friday (it got moved back from the original date, yay!)  but instead I am sitting here on a computer, procrastinating.

Sigh.  I am a disappointment to myself.

I kind of have excuses, though.  I was working on a three-part post series that might not interest anyone at all, plus my leg is asleep so I can't get up to do anything until it wakes up.

Those are some weak excuses.

Fine.  I'll get back to work. 

Sunday, May 8, 2011

New Posts Coming Soon. Just Hang in There.

I have my final exam in my online Japanese class this week, so I'm going to be crazy busy trying to memorize all sorts of fun things that I should have learned weeks ago, but didn't because I'm a horrible student.

However, whenever I'm trying to avoid studying, I'll just stop by over here and work on a series of posts that I started, which you might either find entertaining, or completely worthless.  I'm not sure yet.

Anyway, I haven't abandoned you all.  I'm just kind of stressed out, but I'll get over that and get back to being me. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

An Open Letter to a Certain Someone

You know who you are.

I saw you at prom this weekend.

Actually, what's more important is that I saw what you did at prom this weekend.

I swear on my trombone that if you try to pull that crap again, or if you try to do anything more, I will come for you.  I will come for you and destroy you.  I will tear you apart with the razor-sharp blade of my tongue.  I will make you weep like a little girl.  Then I'll kick you.  Hard.  Where it hurts.

Don't think I'm kidding, because I'm not.

Seriously, if you try to pull that s*** again, I will end you.

Just keep that in mind the next time you think about trying something.

Dearest Regards and Blatant Threats,

P.S.-I'm watching you, boy.