Thursday, September 22, 2011

The End is Nigh--A Doomsday Prophecy

Lo, the end is coming when all shall fall to the ground and quake in fear.

The end shall come upon you on a soft breeze, one that you may not even notice at first.  Some, however, will see the signs and begin to speak warnings, though they will go largely unheeded.

And then, lo!  Descending upon you from the sky like a storm shall come your doom!  It shall first be far away, and you, being a fool, will not prepare yourself.  Then, without warning, it will strike from the heavens, sending you crashing to the ground in fear and trembling.

There will be screams, and shouts of disbelief, and those who, even though they are in the midst of these things, will deny that darkness has come.

Lo, it will strike at your head while you cower in fear!  The beast shall rule your life, and you will not try to stop it, for out of fear you will be paralyzed, sayeth I.

Then, out of the shadows shall arise mighty warriors who will vanquish the darkness.  At first, their efforts will seem unfruitful, and many will not have faith in the heroes, but, lo, their time will come, and when it does, they will snatch the beast from the sky and destroy it with crude tools, for the beast is not unconquerable.

And then shall darkness be vanquished, and all who had cowered in fear return to the light and rejoice, for the terror shall be vanquished, and darkness rule no more.

So sayeth Fanny, on the subject of dragonflies in the library.  (That thing was darned scary.)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Kanji, when in text form, looks a lot like Ouija, which may or may not explain why Kanji is so evil.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Fanny Potter and the Deathly Shallows

One particularly cold morning in early September, a young lady named Fanny woke up in her room.

"We're probably going to go to the beach today," she said.

"I don't want to go to the beach."

"Perhaps they will let me stay home."

She got dressed and went into the kitchen, where it immediately became apparent that she would have no such luck, for preparations for the beach trip were already underway.

"Drat," she thought.

Not too long after that, Fanny and her siblings were herded into the car and braced themselves for the very long journey that faced them.

They drove through towns, on side roads, on bridges, and on highways until, finally, they came to the beach.

It was very cold and windy at the beach, and the waves were much too high for swimming, but Fanny's day was not entirely ruined, for she had brought a book with her, so that she might read on the beach.

After about an hour or so of reading, it was time for dinner.  Fanny walked to the picnic table with the rest of her family.  All seemed perfectly calm.

Then, who should fly out of the clouds but the evil Lord Seagullmort!

They were all immediately plunged into terror, for the evil Lord Seagullmort would surely eat all of their chips and hot dog buns and would almost definitely make screechy noises at them.

They expected the worst from Lord Seagullmort.

But no one expected what happened next.

Fanny Potter was sitting innocently at the picnic table, eating her dinner when, from above, the evil Lord Seagullmort swooped down and pooped on her head.

Yes.  Pooped on her head.

No one had ever suspected such treachery from Lord Seagullmort.  They had always known him to be capable of great evil, but never expected that he would stoop that low.

However, Fanny Potter was not defeated.

No, she finished her dinner, and then went to put on her wizard's robes (*cough*redsnuggie*cough*).

Lord Seagullmort fled in terror, vowing that he would one day return to destroy her.

Fanny Potter, knowing full well that Lord Seagullmort would eventually make good on his promise, nonetheless continued with her day at the beach.

A day which would soon get even more dangerous, for Fanny Potter and her family were headed toward the pier, where massive waves crashed against the sides, their white fingers grasping at unsure feet, waiting to pull someone into the briny deep.

Fanny Potter was very nearly defeated that day, and would have been lost to the world forever had her powerful wizard's robes not saved her from going over.

By the time Fanny Potter had defeated the evil Lord Seagullmort and vanquished the carnivorous waves, the sun was setting on her beach day.

And so, it was with a heavy heart that she boarded the car to leave the beach and return home.  But she held on to a sliver of hope, for her adventures were surely not over yet.  No, there would surely be more heroic antics lying in wait for Fanny Potter, all she had to do was find them.