Monday, February 20, 2012

All I Want is an Immortal, Evil, Ghost Uncle Who Can Grow Cheese Plants. Is That so Much to Ask?

Today, I suffered a loss.

You see, for a long time, I have been obsessed with the Sims (seriously, it's unhealthy how much I like that game.)  A few months ago, we got the Sims 3, and my life immediately went out the window because, hello, Sims 3.  

Anyway, I have spent more hours than I care to admit playing this game.  Getting my sims jobs, having them get married and have children and all that jazz.  Recently, I created a new family, one that was sort of like a crime family only not really and I'm pretty sure that no one really cares anyway but I have to tell you because you need to know.  

You need to know about Uncle Paulie.

When I started playing this family, Uncle Paulie was just Paolo Dinardo, a poor, misunderstood teenager.  It seemed like he couldn't do anything right.  He was constantly being upstaged by his goody-two-shoes sister, Gianna.  How could anyone possibly love or understand him?  Who could possibly see through his evil exterior to the sweet young man within?  It seemed that Paolo would be doomed to a life of loneliness.

But then, Amanda moved to town.

Amanda and Paolo were similar in every way that you could possibly think of so, naturally, they quickly fell in love and got married (although, not quickly enough apparently because perfect little miss Gianna was already married at this point, and had also already had her first child Arianna.)

The love of his wife and his niece melted Paulo's cold heart, revealing the lovable Uncle Paulie within.  Uncle Paulie lived a very healthy lifestyle, but, unfortunately, was taken from the sim world far too early.

It seemed that that would be the end of Uncle Paulie forever, and I was heartbroken, because Uncle Paulie was the shiz and didn't take no crap from nobody.  He was an adorable little old man who exercised regularly and grew a massive garden, and I loved him, dang it.

However, an opportunity appeared.  I could take Uncle Paulie's ashes to the science facility to bring him back from the dead.  How could this possibly go wrong?  So, I took Uncle Paulie to the science facility, but the process didn't work properly and he only came back as a ghost.  (At first, I didn't notice that he had come back as a ghost and I just thought that the science facility had heartlessly ash-napped the only part of Uncle Paulie that I had left, and I may or may not have freaked out a little.)

Uncle Paulie as a ghost may have been even more awesome than Uncle Paulie as a living sim.  Ghost Uncle Paulie did what he wanted.  If he wanted to go outside, he would glide through the dang wall.  If he wanted to scare you, he would (and did.  Uncle Paulie and Arianna's husband David did not get along very well.)  Ghost Uncle Paulie continued to grow his garden, and he also learned how to grow cheese and eggs because he effing could.  

Uncle Paulie was the shiz biscuit, and I was totally convinced that I could play this awesome sim forever and ever as long as I had someone alive to take his ashes to the science facility every time he died.

However, as I learned tonight, this was not the case.  While Uncle Paulie was innocently tending his garden, he was sucked down into the underworld, never to return.  

So now I'm kind of heartbroken a little bit and I kind of don't want to play the Sims any more even though Arianna's son's name is Flynn and I was totally going to have him marry a girl named Rapunzel.  I just feel like a Sims 3 without Uncle Paulie isn't really a Sims 3 at all.

And here is where I realize that you probably don't care about my dead sim, even if he was the coolest thing since absolute zero, and here is where I state that I don't care that you don't care because Uncle Paulie deserves a decent funeral, dang it.  You will remember him, because he was awesome, and you're awesome, so you both have something in common.

This may or may not have made any sense, since I'm really tired and kind of upset.  I don't really care any more.  I do what I want.

Just like Uncle Paulie did.

No comments:

Post a Comment