Sunday, January 30, 2011

My Sincerest Apologies to my Professor. My Homework is All Completely Wrong.

I have an excuse, though.

I think I'm dying of an aneurysm.  This is the third time this month that I have thought this.  The first time was when I had pink earwax, but that was from the colored hairspray that I had put in my hair at Sassafras Jones's New Years Eve party.  The second time was when my eyes went on the fritz and the room started turning green during civics (I was not on drugs.  I don't do drugs.  Drugs are not my thing.).  This time, I thought that I was dying of an aneurysm because it felt like there was a tiny little Gollum living inside my head, stabbing me in the eye, repeatedly, with a tiny little knife. 

I seriously considered plucking the darned thing out. 

The only thing that really stopped me from plucking out my eye was the fact that I left my Swiss Army Knife at home, so I didn't have the little corkscrew bottle opener thingy (seriously, it would make a great eye removal tool.)  That and the fact that I would look a little odd with a giant eye hole and no eye (Those were the only two things that kept me from plucking out my stupid eye.  It wasn't even my favorite eye, and I had convinced myself that I could probably cover up the eye hole with my bangs, but it would still show sometimes and now I'm rambling but you can't be mad at me because I still might be dying.)

Yeah.  So, I apologize to my Japanese Professor for all of the wrong answers on my homework and my extrememly poor voice board post, and I apologize to my one classmate for the crappy response to her discussion forum post.  I could not think because Gollum was trying to kill me by stabbing me in the eye and/or giving me an aneurysm.

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