Saturday, May 21, 2011

Hide Yo' Kids, Hide Yo' Wives AND Hide Yo' Husbands, 'Cause They Rapturin' Errbody out Here

It's the end of the world today.

Or, at least, that's what the billboard told me.

It's all just a matter of time now.  As I prepare for the last 30 minutes of my life on Earth, I am tempted to wax nostalgic about my past, and to mourn for the things that will never be.

Let's get started!

Things I've Never Done:

1.  Gone to Europe
2.  Had a sword fight in the morning mist of a bamboo forest
3.  Eaten dragonfruit
4.  Rode a polar bear across the Serengeti
5.  Gone skydiving
6.  Told my cat that I love it
7.  Gone on The Price is Right
8.  Gotten married
9.  Come to think of it, I've never been on a date.
10.  Shoot.
11.  Held a lion
12.  Danced the tango
13.  Danced the tango with a tiger
14.  Spent copious amounts of money on a shopping spree.
15.  Rode a pony into space
16.  Hiked along a mountain chain
17.  Climbed Mount Everest
18.  Eaten sushi
19.  Learned 5 languages
20.  Killed a wild boar with my bear hands
21.  Killed a bear to get his hands
22.  Slapped someone in the face
23.  Gone to Candy Mountain

Okay, none of those are really big deals, except for maybe #20-22.  I can live without having done those things.

And now...

Things I Have Done:

1.  Memorized a ridiculous amount of song lyrics
2.  Took Japanese because I could
3.  Tried to turn my German Shepard into a sled dog
4.  Shoved beads up my nose
5.  Read Winnie the Pooh
6.  Read Harry Potter numerous times
7.  Watched and read The Princess Bride
8.  Rode a horse until my legs hurt
9.  Learned guitar
10.  Sang in front of a couple thousand people
11.  Tried to dance an Irish jig
12.  Learned to play the trombone
13.  Told my dog that I love him
14.  Read over 200 books
15.  Watched the Phantom of the Opera
16.  Started a blog
17.  Faked sick
18.  Learned French
19.  Got a new cell phone
20.  Got a Facebook
21.  Went to Washington D.C.
22.  Smuggled a Swiss Army Knife into the Smithsonian
23.  Danced like a crazy person in public.

I can live with that.

Plus I took a shower AND shaved my legs, so when Satan himself shows up at my door at 6:00 sharp to drag me to Hell for not believing the Lord's prophet, That Dude Who Predicted That The World Would End On May 21st, at least I'll look good.

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